Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to shrink ourselves. We learned to say sorry for taking up space. Sorry for needing rest. Sorry for having opinions. Sorry for wanting something different than what others expect from us. Sorry for prioritizing our own mental and physical wellbeing.

I can remember at a very young age wanting to keep the peace, be a pleaser, make people proud of me. But here’s the thing…You don’t owe anyone an apology for doing what’s best for you.
You don’t have to live your life by rules you didn’t write.

In fact, the moment you stop apologizing for taking care of yourself is the moment everything begins to change and you become a more authentic you!

The Problem With Living by Other People’s Rules

Most people don’t consciously choose a life built around the expectations of others, it happens slowly, subtly, over years. We’re conditioned to be agreeable, polite, non-disruptive. We’re taught that saying “no” is rude, that setting boundaries makes us difficult, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish.

So we mold ourselves into what we think people want us to be.

But living by other people’s rules has consequences.

Burnout from giving more than you have.
Resentment from feeling unheard or taken advantage of.
Stagnation from ignoring your own dreams.
Stress and anxiety from constantly seeking approval.
Loss of identity because you’re always shape-shifting to please.

At some point, you have to ask:
Whose life am I actually living?

Your Needs Aren’t a Burden And You are allowed to….

Rest without explaining yourself.
Say “no” without guilt.
Take time for yourself.
Make choices that support your growth.
Distance yourself from people who drain you.
Change your mind.
Set boundaries that protect your peace.

Your needs are not inconveniences. They are part of being a whole, healthy human.

And the people who care about you won’t be threatened by your self-respect.

Stop Apologizing for Choosing You

We’ve normalized apologizing for basic self-care:

“Sorry I can’t make it -I’m overwhelmed.”
“Sorry, I need some space.”
“Sorry, I’m focusing on my health.”
“Sorry for being busy.”
“Sorry for saying no.”

Imagine how heavy that becomes over time.

You don’t have to apologize for….

Going to the gym instead of going out.
Leaving a relationship that’s not healthy.
Tracking your habits or prioritizing your wellness.
Changing your diet, your boundaries, or your goals.
Pursuing a career shift that others don’t understand.
Outgrowing situations that no longer fit.

Choosing yourself is not selfish - it’s self-respect.

When You Rewrite Your Own Rules, Everything Changes

When you stop living by someone else’s expectations and start honoring your own values, you begin to build a life that actually fits you.

You feel lighter.
You feel more grounded.
You feel more aligned.
You feel free.

Your energy changes.
Your confidence grows.
Your relationships improve because you show up as your authentic self, not the exhausted version that’s been overextending.

And you begin to attract people, opportunities, and experiences that match who you’ve become, not who you were pretending to be.

How to Start Living by Your Own Rules

Here are somepractical ways to break free from the apology cycle and reclaim your power.

1. Get clear on what actually matters to you

What do you value?
What are your non-negotiables?
What kind of life do you want to create?

Once you know your standards, it becomes much easier to hold them.

2. Catch yourself when you apologize unnecessarily

Remove the reflexive “sorry.” Replace it with clarity, not guilt.

Instead of:
“Sorry, I can’t make it.”
Try:
“I won’t be available this time.”

Instead of:
“Sorry for prioritizing my health.”
Try:
“I’m choosing what supports me best right now.”

3. Set boundaries without over-explaining

A boundary isn’t a debate.
You don’t need a paragraph of justification.
A simple “This doesn’t work for me” is enough.

4. Allow people to feel however they feel

If someone gets upset that you’re taking care of yourself, that’s their discomfort…not your responsibility.

5. Give yourself permission every single day

Say it out loud if you have to:
“I’m allowed to choose myself.”

The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes.

This Is Your Life -You Don’t Need Permission to Live It Your Way

The world doesn’t need more people pleasing themselves into burnout.
It needs more people who lead with self-respect, self-awareness, and self-trust.

So stop apologizing for:

Protecting your peace
Prioritizing your health
Growing beyond your old life
Wanting more for yourself
Letting go of what drains you
Resting, recharging, and rebuilding
Being someone who chooses differently

Your life is your own.
Your rules are your own.
Your wellness, your growth, your joy…they’re all worth defending.

And you never need to say “sorry” for that.

XO,

Marilyn

Stop Apologizing for Doing What’s Good for You: Live by Your Own Rules